Doubts of God

Before this is written I want to quote Jason Upton's song "One Reason"
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I lived my life for a while
Asking for signs to believe in
God played defense in my trial
Quietly hanging there bleeding
While i cast lots for his robe
While i point my bloody finger
He pays debts that i owe
He says "Father, forgive them"
I used to ask for a sign to believe in
But he never gave me a reason to ever doubt Him

Give me one reason to doubt He is Messiah
Give me one reason to doubt He is alive
Give me one reason to doubt i am the apple of His eye

Just one reason now
Just one reason to doubt
Ahh ah ah
Justone reason now
Just one reason to doubt
Jesus Christ

I see the faith of our fathers
Abraham, Issac, and Jacob
They never saw what was promised
But they never once felt forsaken
Through fire, famine, and sword
Tribulation and war
They never asked for a sign to beleive in
So tell me how we stand in judgment and ever doubt Him

Give me one reason to doubt He is Messiah
Give me one reason to doubt He is alive
Give me one reason to doubt i am the apple of His eye

Just one reason now
Just one reason to doubt
Ahh ah ah (x2)
Justone reason now
Just one reason to doubt
Jesus Christ
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In my life, in the past, before cancer, I struggled a lot with doubting my walk with the Lord. Is God really there? I mean, really? I'd be used by God, but later would struggle with doubts. I'd hear others' powerful testimonies of God working but then it was never enough. The enemy would come in and rob the word that was spoken to me (of course, I was pretty undisciplined in my thought life as far as taking these - or much of any kind - of thoughts captive). So I'd hear God work, but because I saw very little of God's power in my life, I didn't grow much.

Essentially, what I was saying was, my feelings dictate reality. My circumstances dictate reality. If I don't feel like God is there, than He isn't. If I don't see Him answer prayer, than He must not. All the while, I have quit trusting God for anything, because, after all, how do I even know if He is there? I figure if anything is going to happen in my life, I am going to have to make it happen. So drivenness, controlling, and manipulating become ways of life, because I have to get what I want out of people and circumstances so I can get where I want to go. And the enemy strikes and makes the bondage of doubt greater and greater...

And this is the antithesis of the Christian walk. The Christian walk is not trying to make God prove Himself to us over and over again to meet our feelings and whims. It is not making God fit my demands. This is the epitome of selfishness. He already had Jesus tortured for me, that is enough sign.

The Christian life works the exact opposite. Instead of Christ needing to prove Himself to me and bless me to a certain extent to keep me from using something else to get me where I want to go (if faith is nothing more than something I use to manipulate me to a "better life," I'll give up pretty quick). No, it is radical abandonment to the Lord. It is throwing myself before Him. It is dying to self. It is not living by feelings and whims and instant gratification. It is forsaking this world. Forsaking the desires of the flesh. It is realizing that there are bigger principles than what culture and feelings dictate. There are truths that transform. Once, through God's power, my heart is seeking radically after Him, THEN I see His hand at work. Then I TASTE AND SEE THAT HE IS GOD!! And this is experiential, this is with answers to prayer. This is me realizing that my way is empty, His way is the only way, and me giving God a blank check. And then radically pursuing Him. Pursue loving His people. ALL of His people. Pursue inner healing. Pursue His will. Pursue real honest relationship with Him. Pursue His glory be revealed not my selfishness or pride. And when this happens, one can only stand back in awe. God shows Himself strong over and over and over. As fear and worry disipate in trust and hope, there will never be any chance for doubt to come in again. Its too late. God has worked too much. All I have to do is look at the log of how He has worked and be reminded of His faithfulness for the future. The Lord is GOOD!